Not Enough
by phayte1978
Summary: It had always been JJ and Otabek, until it wasn't. JJ doesn't like sharing and he did not under why he was not enough for Otabek.


A soft knock at his door, and JJ noticed Otabek is late- Otabek is _never_ later. Few things you can count on in life- taxes, death and Otabek being on time. Opening the door, JJ looks down as Otabek holds up a six pack as a peace offering. He is smiling at him, and JJ cannot resist the small dimple that creeps up on Otabek's cheek, it takes the danger out of Otabek and makes him innocent, sweet.

"You were with _him_ ," JJ said. It was _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named_ when JJ was around. Otabek was always running towards the blonde every change he got. Otabek refused to choose which one he wanted and played between the two… playing them against one another. He liked the jealousy, the liked them begging and demanding his attention.

Jean-Jacques Leroy fucking hated it. Ever since last year and that Russian Punk had come into the picture, it was as if Otabek was pulling away from him, yet also running at him full speed. It was dizzying and he was getting tired of the games.

"You smell like _him_ ," JJ said as he leaned in close to Otabek. It wasn't the rich spice he was use to from Otabek. This was a crisp, clean ocean scent. It was _not_ Otabek. A simple shrug was all Otabek gave him.

Taking the six pack from Otabek's hand, he grabbed a bottle and popped the top off. It was still ice cold and he drank half of it before looking back at Otabek. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair not in place. This is not the Otabek he knew. The Otabek he knew did not go gallivanting off in the night with blonde fairies, did not join them in exhibition skates last minutes… No, the Otabek he knows is calculated, careful, predictable.

"I don't like who you are around _him,_ " JJ growls out as he stares Otabek down.

"Maybe I like who I am when I am with Yuri."

There is was… the name JJ refused to speak. He called Yuri- 'Princess', 'Kitten' or 'Lady'. Never by his name. Everything was going great between them before _he_ had entered. Now Otabek had wild dreams and kept taking off; flying around the world doing crazy ice shows, vacations in Japan and midnight bike rides along the mountain of Almaty. Otabek was being careless, he was risking his career. JJ only wanted the best for Otabek. They trained hard together. They lifted weights, they camped in cabins, volunteered at the shelters and did yoga.

"You don't like who you are when you are with me?" JJ asked.

Otabek signed and stepped forward, his hand finding the back of JJ's head, scratching gently where his was freshly shaven. "Of course I do. You make me a better man. Yuri makes me feel alive. You both give me something completely different."

"I never agreed to this."

"I never asked," Otabek said. Such a simple statement and JJ knew it was true. Otabek was always true to his word. They had never said they would be monogamous to one another, but they never talked about seeing other people. It was not as if they were dating, but they had done so much- spent so much time together, it was as if there was this unspoken rule- a rule Otabek was destroying along with JJ.

"But now you come here… asking me… for what? What do you want?" JJ asked.

"I want you. Like we always are. I miss you, Jean," Otabek said as his hand clenched at his sides, grabbing at the loose material of his jeans.

Taking a hard pull from the beer, JJ swallows then looks Otabek over. He knew Otabek left from _his_ room, grabbed the beer than came over. Taking that step between them, he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him in and kissing him. Otabek melted to his body quickly and hummed into his mouth. Licking gently at Otabek's lower lip, his kissed into Otabek's mouth- then pulled off harshly. There was something sour and musty into Otabek's mouth that was different from how Otabek usually tasted.

Spitting on the ground and wiping his mouth on his sleeve he looked over at Otabek, disgusted. Drinking the rest of his beer, he glared at Otabek. "You fucking taste like _him_!"

"Fine, look… I'll leave…" Otabek said. As he turned to leave, JJ grabbed his wrist and spun him back around.

"I bet you fucked _him_ , didn't you? You ate his ass then fucked him. I bet _he_ won't even fuck you, will he? Is that why you come here? Because I will fuck you?" JJ growled out.

Otabek turned his eyes away. JJ already knew this answer. Otabek had complained about this before JJ made him stop talking about _him_. Squeezing his wrist hard before letting go, he shoved Otabek towards the bathroom. "Use some damn mouthwash at least."

JJ sat on the bed and finished his beer, he was debating opening another one when Otabek came out the bathroom smiling at him. JJ already knew he had lost this fight, Otabek had him wrapped around his damn finger.

"C'mere," JJ said as he tossed the empty bottle to the trashcan. Otabek went over where JJ sat on the edge of the bed and at this positioning, Otabek was a bit taller than JJ. Leaning down, this time JJ tasted fresh mint. Otabek fit between his legs and had his face cupped in his hands, kissing him deeply, making JJ forget where Otabek just was- who Otabek was just with.

The problem was he could still smell _him_ on Otabek. His clothes reeked of the scent. JJ growled and pulled away from Otabek's mouth, he watched as those dark eyes remained closed, a whine coming from him as JJ continued to pull away.

Pushing at Otabek's shoulder, he watched him fall to his knees. JJ was nowhere turned on, but he knew why Otabek was here, and he knew Otabek would stay with him tonight. Otabek smiled up at him, that dimple back in place and JJ knew he was fucked at that moment. He never could say no to Otabek, but he could make him work for it.

Otabek's fingers were sure and quick, the button to his jeans undone and his zipper down- before he knew it, his limp cock as in Otabek's mouth as those dark eyes stared up at him, humming around his cock. JJ tried to push the blonde out of his head as Otabek slowly sucked his cock to life- feeling it come to life in that warm mouth that knew him so well. Otabek always knew how to twirl his tongue, suction his cheeks, lick at his shaft and roll his balls. He was being played in this twist game of Otabek's and he was losing.

Tangling his fingers in the longer hair on top Otabek's head, he moaned softly and allowed his body to be taken over by the sensation of what that mouth was doing to him. Otabek continued to bob his head up and down his shaft as JJ continued to pull at his hair. Soft wet slurping sounds could be heard with JJ's soft moaning. As he closed his eyes, visions of blonde hair came to his mind, social media pictures of the two smiling together clouded his vision. Even when he had Otabek, he never truly was only with him.

He just wasn't into it. He knew Otabek could continue all night, and he was not going to get off. Groaning, JJ pulled Otabek off of his cock and kissed his forehead. It was pointless. He just couldn't do it anymore. He wanted this man's heart and for as long as he had it, he was not willing to share it. Staring into those brown eyes, JJ shook his head and tucked himself back into his jeans.

That dimple was gone from Otabek's face, as if he already knew. Otabek laid his head on JJ's thigh as JJ continued to run his hand through his hair. There was so much history between them, it hurt. He felt the knot in his chest as Otabek just nestled his head into his thigh and hip joint.

"I can't do this," JJ whispered.

"He is ok with it," Otabek said.

"But I'm not."

Otabek sighed and pushed JJ back onto the bed. They fit well together, they always had- be it on JJ's twin mattress at home, or this king sized bed in the hotel. Otabek always fit under his collarbone, his ear pressed where his heart would beat. He would tell JJ he liked falling to sleep listening to the drum of his heart.

"What can't I just be enough for you? I was for so long," JJ asked.

"This has nothing to do with you, you know this."

That scent of _not Otabek_ came to his nose again and he had to cringe. It was not the same anymore. The texts were not as frequent, neither were his visits. He was sharing, he did not like sharing. He liked to know what he had was his and no one else's.

"How is that selfish little prick ok with all of this?" JJ asked. He knew how selfish that Russian brat could be. He did not see him sharing Otabek with anyone else.

Otabek shrugged, "It works with our schedules. Being as we are always away from one another, just makes sense."

"You spent more time with me before _he_ came along."

"Jean… don't."

JJ let Otabek go and sat up, "Go back to your room, Altin." Turning his back, he laid back down and Otabek rested his hand on his shoulder- he made no attempt. JJ just stared out the window. A few moments later, a deep sigh was heard as Otabek got up and left the room.

Finishing the rest of the beers, he slipped his sleep pants on a went to get in bed, there was no sleeping though. This was suppose to be a celebration, he had won gold- Yet he lost the gold he really wanted. Another soft knock at the door and JJ did not want to answer it. He knew _who_ it was.

When he let Otabek back in, there were no words. Otabek smelled like himself again and they curled on the bed as his head rest on JJ's chest, listening to that beat as he fell asleep. JJ stayed up all night, watching as Otabek slept, wondering what he could have done. There was no answer.

They woke that morning to slow, desperate kisses. JJ marked Otabek everywhere he could. He covered marks he knew he did not make. Fucking Otabek slow and deep, he reminded him that that blonde could never reach him as deep, could never pleasure him the way he could. They came together and Otabek curled back up on JJ's chest.

"I'll come back to Canada in a month's time," Otabek whispered as his fingers traced over the lines in JJ's arms.

JJ simply nodded. He didn't know what Otabek was doing before he planned to visit, but he had a feeling it was catering to a certain blonde. It made his stomach turn and the bile rise.

It was mid morning when Otabek finally left. They still had another day before all their flights left- JJ knew Otabek went back to _him_. He split his time between the two. But JJ did not want split time, he did not want to schedule when he would be with Otabek. That was not what he wanted.

He did not answer the next night when the knock came. Staying on his bed, he let the tears fall down the sides of his face as his phone chimed and the knocking continued. Even the next morning, he left the hotel all too early and waited for hours at the airport. Anything not to see _them._ It was too much and he could not do this any longer. As he waited for his flight, he blocked Otabek's social media accounts and number.

A simple email telling Otabek it was over was all he could muster. Let _him_ have him. They can be happy together.

It was not Canada he was returning to though. His plane he rebooked and he found himself in front of a certain Korean's door. As the door open, knowing eyes looked him up and down with a nodd. Opening the door wider, Seung gil gestured for him to come in. JJ feigned a smile and his 'JJ' fingers as Seung gil shook his head.

"You can put your bags in my room. Make yourself at home," Seung gil said as JJ walked through the threshold.


End file.
